Extreme Boredom
by Loads of Randomness
Summary: For everyone that has read CMBIF this is what happened to Hogwarts in the Marauders fourth year when Sirius got bored. To quote Remus, "It started will him giggling like a maniac and ended with all the first years being locked up in suits of armour" Oh no
1. Absolutely Nothing

Location: Gryffindor Common Room, November 1974

The infamous quartet of Hogwarts, more commonly known as 'The Marauders', were gathered around a flickering fireplace. Remus Lupin was reading a very heavy looking book, James Potter was doing homework, Peter Pettigrew was trying to do homework and Sirius was balancing three quills on his nose.

"What are the properties of adder venom?" asked Peter, scowling at his parchment, "I have alkaline, purple-black. . ."

"Catalyst" responded Remus, not bothering to look up.

"Finnished!" announced James, slamming his Charms book shut, startling Sirius and made Peter upset his ink all over his essay.

"Good for you, Prongsie!" exclaimed Sirius sarcastically, "Can we do something now?"

"I can't" whined Peter, "I have three essays to finish, tutoring with Rickman and detention with Slughorn."

James frowned in confusion, "Detention for what?"

"Singeing Slughorn's eyebrows." Replied Remus, turning a page.

Sirius looked sharply at Remus, quills falling off his nose in the process, "When did this happen?"

"Wednesday, when you and Prongs had concussion"

"We miss everything good" grumbled James, packing up all of his work

"Hel-loo!" said Sirius, waving one of his quills, "Back to marvellous me! Can we actually do something?"

Remus sighed and put his book down, "Like what?"

"Umm, replace the Head Table with jelly?"

"Did that last year" pointed out Peter, "It was yum"

"Oh yeah, what about charming the armour to do the cancan?"

"We're still doing the detention for that," reminded James.

"Really? Uh, give Minnie catnip?"

Remus replied, "Done that three times this year alone."

"Gah!" huffed Sirius, throwing himself into a chair, "There's nothing to do then!"

"Well, we are in a school for magic," said Remus logically, "There's got to be something."


	2. Creepy Giggling

Location: Gryffindor Common Room

It was later in the morning and James had challenged Remus to a game of chess. He had challenged Sirius but all he had got in reply was, "Chess is for normal people." Peter had gone to his tutoring session and wouldn't be back for a while.

"Bishop to A1" commanded Remus, watching his bishop crack open James' pawn.

"Hee hee hee hee"

James and Remus looked up, wondering who was giggling, saw nothing out of the ordinary and returned to their chess game.

"Queen to F6" ordered James

"Hee hee hee"

This time James and Remus decided to follow the very high pitched giggling. Not even a really girly first year could possibly giggle that high. After searching the common room they had deducted that the now really creepy giggling was coming from their dormitory.

"We'll have to be careful, Moony," whispered James, "We don't know what we'll find."

Remus rolled his eyes and stomped up the stairs, James reluctantly following. The two marauders stopped outside their door.

"Uh, after you Prongs," said Remus nervously, "Ladies first"

"Not a chance, I told you it could be dangerous!"

A mild scuffle later and they both tumbled into the dormitory only to find Sirius sitting cross-legged on the floor laughing like a hyena.

Remus approached him carefully, "Sirius, are you ok?"

"Hee hee ho ho ha ha"

"Padfoot?" asked James

"Ha ha ho ho hee hee"

Remus whispered to James, "He might've been jinxed."

"Yeah," James agreed, "Let's take him to the Hospital Wing. Though, he might not come quietly."

The two boys edged behind the giggling Sirius and grabbed his arms tightly. They then proceeded to drag him down to the common room.

"Potter!" exclaimed Lily Evans, eyeing Sirius warily, "What the hell is up with Black?"

For once James did not drool over his 'beloved' as he replied, "That's what we are trying to find out Evans!"


	3. Hyperactive Bean

Location: Hospital Wing

"Nothing appears to be wrong with him," Madame Pomfrey told them, looking at the results of her diagnostic charm. "I assume he hasn't ingested large amounts of sugar?"

"No ma'am" replied Remus, "We haven't left any sugar unguarded since second year."

Madame Pomfrey tutted at the now suspiciously silent and vibrating Sirius, "Mister Black, do you what might have caused this?"

"Um, I don't think he's going to reply," James warned her, never looking away from his vibrating friend. "He just yelled 'Bellybutton Disco a few minutes ago."

Madame Pomfrey silenced James with a look and addresses Sirius, "You are free to go Black" and walked into her office.

Sirius looked around him, making Remus and James take a big step away from him. It wasn't a moment too soon because roughly three seconds later Sirius jumped off the bed bellowing, "Pixie's eat sugar dust!"

Sirius then proceeded to jump up and down rapidly until he was nothing more than a blur of colours.

"Uh, Padfoot?" said James, reaching out to grab his friend but Remus jerked his hand back.

"You don't know what will happen if you touch him!" hissed Remus.

James nodded and they continued to watch their friend apprehensively. They really didn't know what to do. If Sirius had had an overdose of sugar they normally would have showed him a bouncing bulb (which he was deathly afraid of) and he would stop.

This was very different. They knew Sirius hadn't gotten a hold of any sugar from their dorms or the kitchens because the Marauders always lock up their sugar supplies and the elves had been ordered by Dumbledore not to give sugar to Sirius after 'The Incident' in first year . . .

"Peanut Butter Munchkin Time!" yelled the blur.

"I still think we should do something!" insisted Remus, "Or else who knows what would happen!"

"But . . ." started James, only to be interrupted by Sirius running out into the corridor.

"We better go after him" groaned Remus, leading the way.


	4. Follow the Broken Road

Location: Hogwart's Corridors

"Wheee!" yelled Sirius while running down the corridors at high speed.

Remus just groaned loudly and James shook with laughter.

"Put it this way Moony," pointed out James, "He's not doing anything dangerous."

CRASH

Remus gave James a look, "You were saying?"

"Let's go and get him out of this mess," sighed James, dragging himself along.

They ran down the main corridor, trying to find their friend.

"How . . . are . . . we . . . supposed . . . to find . . . him?" panted James, clutching his side, "Especially . . . since I . . . left . . . the map . . . upstairs."

Remus glanced down the corridor and saw, what used to be, a giant vase. Now it was in pieces.

"I think he's down here, Prongs," suggested Remus, repairing the vase with a quick flick of his wand.

James peered further down the corridor, "Shouldn't be too hard to find him." He muttered.

"How come?" asked Remus, lifting the vase up.

James pointed down the corridor, "He left a trail."

Remus looked down the corridor only to see every statue, vase or suit of armour broken into a million tiny pieces or tipped over. Basically it looked like a hurricane had swept its way through.

"We better fix this," said Remus, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths.

James nodded and whispered, "Reparo," pointing at a mess.

Their progress was much slower now because they had to repair everything and put it back in its rightful position. Once they got to the end of the corridor neither of them was in any mood to even look at Sirius. They sat down only to glance down another corridor and see even more mess than before.

"What I want to know," said Remus while repairing a statue of Merlin, "Is how the hell can he work so fast.

James shrugged in reply; they could still hear crashing in the distance. Thank Merlin no teachers were around


	5. Oops

Location: Hogwarts Corridors.

James and Remus no longer cared if Sirius got in trouble or not anymore. They must've repaired hundreds of statues and they couldn't see it ending.

"If we catch up with Padfoot, remind me to kill him," growled James wearily waving his wand again and again and again.

"I will be too busy feeding him to the squid" replied Remus.

They were now simply blindly following the mess Sirius had made, not bothering to pay any attention to their surroundings. There was no point; all fifth, sixth and seventh years were holed up studying somewhere and anyone younger than that were probably avoiding Sirius.

"Oof!" gasped James, colliding with Professor McGonagall.

"Professor!" greeted Remus, heaving James up and hoping she didn't see any broken objects.

"So sorry, ma'am" apologized James, smiling sheepishly at his Professor.

"You two should watch where you are going" McGonagall sniffed, "and just where is Mister Black?"

"Um, yes" stuttered Remus, "Sirius"

"Is lost." Stated James bluntly, looking as innocent as he could.

"hmm mm" replied McGonagall, eyeing them both sternly, "You expect me to believe that one of the infamous marauders has got himself lost?"

"Yes?" tried Remus.

"No," responded McGonagall, "I advise you to tell me the truth or . . "

"But he is" insisted James, Remus just sensibly stayed quiet.

"Mister Potter . . . "

"Can we talk about this later, Minnie?" interrupted James impatiently; there was a suspicious lack of noise again.

Without waiting for a reply they both took off down the corridors without looking back. Hopefully Sirius hadn't done anything stupid . . . wait, this was Sirius Black they were talking about, off course he'd do something stupid.


	6. I'm Superman

Location: By a window on the second floor

They eventually caught up with Sirius on the second floor, they would've been quicker but trying to repair everything in sight is bound to slow you down. When they were about five feet behind him they noticed that he was wearing a towel around his neck (where did he get that?) like a cape.

"Sirius?" asked James tentatively.

"No sudden movements" whispered Remus, edging closer to Sirius, "don't want to startle him."

Sirius suddenly swung round t face his friends with this crazed look in his eyes and he was grinning, madly. Remus quickly started backing away and James shuddered in fright.

"Hel-looooo" shouted Sirius, like they were two corridors away instead of right next to him.

"Sirius, come here please," pleaded Remus.

"No," replied Sirius, stomping his foot. "I have got to do this."

"Do what?" asked James apprehensively

"Save the World!" came the reply.

"No you don't" said James in a soothing tone, motioning for Remus to come at Sirius from behind.

"Yes I do!" insisted Sirius and turned around, hitting Remus with his towel, to face the window.

He then proceeded to prise the window open and clamber onto the ledge. Remus and James exchanged 'Uh oh' looks and made as if to pounce on their friend a second too late. . .

"Superman to the rescue!" bellowed Sirius, jumping off the ledge and falling rapidly downwards.

Remus and James had collided into the wall and were now sitting up, rubbing their heads. Remus scrambled to his feet quickly and looked over the edge.

"He's going to kill himself!" exclaimed Remus

James joined him, "Nah, the ground's closer than you think."

It was true, Sirius was still falling but he wasn't a tiny dot. In fact, they could see him and the people directly below him quite clearly. Uh oh.

"At least we didn't have to save him," muttered James, "I don't think I would've been bothered to get my broom."


	7. Mob

Location: Hogwarts Grounds

'Thud'. Sirius landed on no other than Alice Smith, one of Lily Evans' best friends.

"Oomph" said Alice, looking a bit dazed.

"Get off her Black!" yelled Lily, grabbing Sirius' arm and dragging him off. "Ally, are you okay?"

Sirius wrenched himself free of Lily and grinned roguishly at the girls, "Hello ladies, and what a fine summer's day it is!"

"Sirius, it's autumn" pointed out Marlene McKinnon, Sirius' crush and fellow beater, looking at him oddly. "What the hell was that about?"

"Um . . . " stuttered Sirius, looking very afraid of two red-faced angry girls (Lily and Alice) and an exasperated one (Marlene).

"You better have a good reason for falling on me," warned Alice, rubbing her back.

"Heh heh," laughed Sirius nervously and then ran as fast as he possibly could away from the girls.

The girls looked at each other for a moment and then said simultaneously, "Get him!" and started the chase.

Sirius weaved around the Hogwarts students frantically with the three girls in hot pursuit. He was running in the direction of the lake when James and Remus burst out of the castle.

"Wonder what happened?" pondered James, watching the growing mob of girls (once the girl population realised who was being chased they couldn't resist joining in.)

"He did land on someone" commented Remus.

"True."

They watched on in silence as Sirius was getting more and more desperate and the girls screamed louder. Sirius didn't know if Lily and Alice were the scariest or the fan girls were.

"Do you reckon we should help him?" asked Remus.

"And get killed by those girls?" responded James in astonishment, "No bloody way! Pads can get killed before O.W.L year but I'm not!"

"You do have a good point" conceded Remus

"Black you are soooo dead!"


	8. Shield

Location: By the Lake

Sirius sprinted past many pupils. Most weren't paying him any attention what so ever, they were too used to him and the first years were simply giving him a wide berth. He didn't notice any of this; Sirius was more concerned about avoiding the very large group of very angry girls chasing him. That wasn't working too well for him. Sirius was sure he would've lost a few by the outskirts of The Forest.

He looked quickly behind him, hoping the girls were very, very far away. No luck, they were actually gaining on him . . . time for drastic measures.

Sirius skidded to a halt and looked around with a crazed look in his eyes. Right in his line of sight was a first year. Without a word of warning he grabbed the helpless firstie and held it in front of him.

"No one move!" Sirius yelled, the girls froze once they noticed what he was holding.

"Black, you moron, put her down now!" demanded Lily, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"Only if you stop chasing me!"

Marlene snorted, "Not likely you bloody idiot. You almost knocked out Alice!"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders, still holding the first year tightly in front of him. The girls started to advance slowly and the first year's eyes widened. The young girl started wriggling but Sirius had too strong a grip.

Sirius first tried to edging slowly away but when that obviously didn't work he started sprinting again. The poor first year whimpered and Sirius looked down, surprised, he had forgotten he was holding her.

Sirius then realised that the first year was slowing him down and he shoved her to the side.

'Splash!'

Too bad he had completely 'forgotten' that the lake was nearby.

"BLACK!"

Sirius picked up speed and ran towards the Quidditch Pitch while James and Remus decided to hide inside for their own safety.


	9. Stand Back

Location: Quidditch Pitch

Sirius wondered, still running, whether annoying girls was a good idea. The girls had not slowed down at all and Sirius did not want to be on the receiving end of their anger.

He sprinted across the quidditch pitch and dived behind the storage shed where you could find spare brooms and all the quidditch balls (about 5 sets of them)

The girls ran after him and stopped in the middle of the itch. Sirius sighed in relief, they had lost him. Unfortunately the group of girls then split up combing the whole area. Sirius gulped, Lily and Marlene were getting closer and closer, time for drastic measures. Now if he could just pick this lock . . .

"I'm sure I heard him over here," whispered Marlene creeping forwards

"And how do you know what he sounds like?" teased Lily

"We hang out during Quidditch, we're mates!" hissed Marlene

Before Lily could retort Sirius jumped out of the shed clutching a number of large crates.

"Stand back and don't move!" he ordered grasping the lid

"What the hell, Black!" shouted Lily, attracting the attention of the other girls.

"Move one step closer and I'll let loose all of the bludgers!" Sirius proclaimed desperately.

One girl jumped out of the crowds and tried to pounce on Sirius. Sirius retreated in fright and dropped the crates, causing the lids to snap open. Ten bludgers flew out and tried to attack the nearest people, i.e. the girls. Sirius 'mysteriously' vanished once the panic started.

Remus and James appeared on the scene as soon as they heard girls shrieking. When they reached the Quidditch Pitch there was pure chaos. James ducked quickly as a bludger came rocketing towards him. Remus was standing as far away from the screaming girls as possible without losing sight of him to save his ears

Alice came stomping up to them, "Your mate is going to die a very painful death soon." She informed them.

James and Remus shrugged simultaneously, there wasn't much they could o without getting hurt themselves and was Sirius really worth the bother? Not today anyway.


	10. Yippey Aye Ay

Location: Lake, again

Sirius had decided that staying far, far, far away from those girls (demon creatures more like) would be very beneficial for her health. Anyway, he needed to celebrate; this was the first time he had been chased by a mob of girls and lived! Now what to do, what to do? Climb a tree? Bor-ring. Dance? He'd promised McGonagall he'd never ever do that again.

Meanwhile James and Remus had just got away from the girls. They had unanimously decided that they should lock their friend up somewhere, for the safety of the school.

"Where do you reckon he'll be?" asked Remus, eyeing their surroundings warily there was no way that he was going to get out by Sirius.

Then he realised James had stopped, "Prongs?"

James was about five feet behind him and gaping in the direction of the Lake. He went behind him and saw Sirius on top of the Giant Squid, oh no. Without saying anything they both bolted towards Sirius.

"What the hell was he thinking?" muttered James, shoving people out of the way.

Remus was following at a slower pace because he was helping people up and apologising to them.

Eventually they were nearer to the lake. There was a rather large crowd of people cheering Sirius on, idiots. Remus and James had to elbow their way to the front to even see Sirius properly.

"Excuse me, out of the way. He's our friend," shouted James. "Sirius what, in Merlin's bum, are you doing?"

"Taking bull-riding to a whole new level!" replied Sirius, almost falling off the squid and receiving a dramatic "Oooooh" from his audience

"But why?" asped Remus, clutching his side.

"I needed something good as a celebration."

"Just come down Sirius!"

"Never!"

His retort might've been better if the squid hadn't decided that it was tired of having this loud, annoying person on its head. It flicked a tentacle and Sirius went soaring through the air, oanding in a heap near Remus.

"You were saying?"


	11. I'm King Of The World

Location: Astronomy Tower

"Uhhhh," groaned Sirius, rubbing his head and looking a bit dazed.

"Let's get you to the Hospital Wing," said James, heaving Sirius up.

Sirius shook his head erratically with wide eyes, "No, you will never confine the King!" and shot off towards the castle.

"Oh good Lord he's got concussion," muttered Remus as he and James gave chase.

There was barely anyone in the castle so the three boys weren't stopped. They ran past Peter who was going to detention. Peter stared at the retreating figures then shrugged his shoulders and continued on his way.

Personally, Remus wanted to know if Sirius ever got tired. The three of them had run from the Lake right up to the Astronomy Tower and he hadn't even started panting.

They cornered Sirius behind the telescopes and were now advancing on him. Unfortunately they hadn't realised there was a window there. Sirius rapidly backed up and then scrambled out the window. Instead of falling to his doom Sirius actually climbed the tower.

"Sirius, get down from there!" demanded James

"No, you can't boss around the King Of The World!" called Sirius, glaring down at them. "You are my slaves! Leave me alone!"

James and Remus looked at each other. Now what were they supposed to do? An idea suddenly smacked Remus around the head. What did Sirius absolutely love?

"Oh, you're _Highness_," bellowed Remus sarcastically. "Too bad you don't want this coffee," holding up an empty conjured flask.

Sirius looked at them both suspiciously. Should he stay up here where no one could reach him and he could be King? Or go down there where James looked ready to spit fire and there was _coffee_? Hmm . . .

Sirius scrambled down off the roof and leapt inside grabbing the flask off Remus. James grabbed his shoulder but he didn't care, there was coffee! Then he realised he couldn't open the damn thing, maybe teeth would work.

"I'm still King you know," he told them with a mouthful of flask.


	12. Idiot

Location: Astronomy Tower

What are we supposed to do now?" asked Remus, keeping an eye on Sirius who was running around the room.

"We could just keep him in here . . ." started James

"No! I want to get away from him!" argued Remus

"I don't know then!"

After they had gotten Sirius down James had swiftly locked the door. Unfortunately they had forgotten just how bored Sirius was. He was almost driving them up the walls by running around the small room again, and again, and again.

"Wheeeee!" yelled Sirius, still running.

James and Remus groaned, they seemed to be doing a lot of that today. This was a very bad day. They were locked up in the room at the top of the Astronomy Tower with only Sirius as entertainment. Speaking of Sirius . . .

"What the hell?" muttered James, staring at Sirius.

Remus jerked his head up to watch Sirius. He was running around in a very small circle, very much like Sirius would do as Padfoot...

"I wonder if he knows he's not Padfoot," pondered Remus.

"Can't get it," they heard Sirius mutter and watched him run faster and faster until he was a blur.

"He's an idiot, enough said," replied James.

"Why does it keep moving?" wailed Sirius.

Remus decided that banging his head off the stone wall would solve everything. James actually had to prise him away after he continued doing this for five minutes. Surprisingly Remus didn't have any damage to his head.

"Let me at him," growled Remus at James who was holding him back.

"No. We need him alive."

Suddenly Sirius ran in a straight line, right at the door. In his bored state Sirius didn't realise that it was locked so he ran through it. Wooden splinters rained throughout the room and Sirius quickly disappeared from sight, wobbling slightly.

"How hard is head?" exclaimed James


	13. Artist at Work

Location: Hogwarts Corridors

James and Remus were busy running through the corridors of Hogwarts, again. Hopefully in the direction in which Sirius ran but they really weren't sure because this time there was no noise, which was a bit frightening.

Remus suddenly doubled back, seeing something out of the corner of his eye. All he could do was stare at a painting. It used to be a picture of three drunken monks although now each monk had a full head of hair and a handsome handlebar moustache thanks to someone's quill.

"Why do I know that this was Sirius' doing?" said Remus.

James shrugged, "'Cause it's something he would do?"

"I hope the ink siphoning spell work on these," commented Remus while studying the painting.

James nodded, "Why not?" then glanced at a portrait of a princess (who didn't look very pleased), "uh oh," she now had a bikini scribbled on.

For the next few minutes they were both busy getting the ink off the paintings without actually harming the original picture. Eventually it worked and they could move on. James and Remus were hoping to either catch up with Sirius or hide somewhere. The latter appeared very tempting.

Unfortunately, Lady Luck was not on their side as the two of them found out quite quickly.

"I never knew that Sirius was this good at art," James admired, cleaning off an inked on Gryffindor Crest from a wall.

"I wish he would use parchment like a normal person," retorted Remus, scrubbing furiously at a window with people drawn on it.

"Sirius was never what you would call normal," remarked James thoughtfully while moving onto a portrait where the family was hiding at the edge of the frame. "How am I supposed to clean you if you hide?"

Remus sighed but regretfully nodded in agreement. The two Marauders continued their cleaning, both of them praying that no one would come down this corridor or notice the damp spots.

"Um, Remus?" James suddenly asked.

"Mmm?"

"Where's Sirius?"


	14. Makeover

Location: Dumbledore's Office

Meanwhile, Sirius had broken into Dumbledore's office; it was easy once you figured out the sweet theme. He was now trading insults with Phineas Nigellus, though this was getting boring. Sirius looked around for something else to do. For once Dumbledore wasn't in his office when he broke in this time and Sirius was planning to make the most of it.

His eyes scanned the room and finally settled on Dumbledore's familiar, Fawkes. He was a very handsome phoenix with red and gold feathers.

"Hey Fawkes," Sirius greeted, Fawkes chirped in reply and fluttered his wings. "You're looking normal and boring."

If birds could glare Fawkes would but since he couldn't Sirius was oblivious to Fawkes' anger and continued stroking his feathers.

"Actually, I have just the thing to make you look outstanding!" persuaded Sirius, rummaging through his pockets and lifting a small bottle out. "See?"

Fawkes gave the marauder a wary glance but didn't do anything as Sirius shook the bottle and read the tiny print that was the instructions.

"Right, it says to rub it in very well and then leave to dry for a few minutes. Simple enough."

Sirius then proceeded to uncap the bottle and squeeze some of the thick, gloopy stuff onto his hands. He then started to completely cover Fawkes in the stuff. It only took a few minutes to do and Sirius talked to Fawkes the whole time.

"It's high time you had a makeover, Fawkes," he rambled. "I mean, red and gold is o last year unfortunately, blue is on top now!"

Once he was done Sirius settled himself into a chair while waiting for the dye to dry. Pretty soon ten minutes was up and Fawkes was a lovely sky blue. Sirius admired his handiwork while conveniently ignoring the puddles of blue dye splattered on the floor, across the walls and even some was on the ceiling. Sirius didn't dwell on wondering how exactly it got a way up there.

He had stepped back to get a better look at his latest masterpiece when the door opened.

"Mr Black?"


	15. New Look

Location: Dumbledore's Office

Sirius jerked his head around and grinned, "Why hel-lo there, my dear headmaster."

Dumbledore chuckled and looked critically at Fawkes.

"Silver tips would set him off nicely," he commented, receiving an indignant chirp for his efforts.

Sirius just stared at the Headmaster and then, after a moments contemplation, nodded vigorously, "So true but that can wait! I have much more pressing matters to deal with!"

Dumbledore looked at his student with interest as Sirius rummaged through his pockets muttering. This would've worried any normal teacher.

Sirius' face brightened as he pulled something, yet again, from his pocket. Dumbledore stood up to see what was in his hand but couldn't see anything because the object must be too small. Before he could ask Sirius anything, said student had darted behind him and pulled off his orange and blue polka dotted hat.

Then he felt Sirius tugging at his long hair and the young boy started chatting away, "Y'know sir, I've recently discovered that everyone in this school is plain dull."

"What makes you say that?" asked Dumbledore unconcernedly; he was busy eagerly pursuing the newest copy of 'Transfiguration Today' that Sirius had provided him with.

Sirius twisted enthusiastically on a clump of hair while replying, "They're so not creative and not me!"

"I see," muttered Dumbledore, engrossed in the magazine.

"TA-DA!" announced Sirius cheerfully, holding out a mirror.

All Albus Dumbledore could do at first was gape at his reflection. His wonderful head of stunning silver locks was now plaited into two thick braids with a red a gold ribbon tastefully twined in.

"Wow," Dumbledore eventually uttered, still in shock.

Sirius grinned widely, "I see you like it, sir."

"It's magnificent," Dumbledore said, staring in awe at his reflection.

Sirius puffed up proudly and put the comb, ribbon and gel back in his pockets.

Dumbledore turned to face his stylist, "I hear Minerva storming up, it may be best if you leave."

Sirius' eyes widened comically before he dashed out the door.

Dumbledore simply smiled vaguely and reached inside his door for a lemon drop.


	16. Taking Candy from a baby

Location: Hogwarts Corridors

Sirius skipped from the Headmaster's office, whistling 'Jingle Bells'. It had been a rather nice day so far but he was now hungry. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was half-one. Perfect, still most of the day to go. He could afford to take a break for a while. Sirius grinned evilly, especially with what will probably happen soon.

Meanwhile in his office, Dumbledore was still fingering his hair.

"Simply marvellous work," thought Dumbledore, groping his hand in his desk drawer for his tin of lemon drops.

His hand groped about the inside of the drawer searching for the tin. The drawer wasn't very large so Dumbledore didn't understand why he couldn't find the drawer.

He peered into the small, dark space but couldn't see anything. He then proceeded to remove the drawer from the desk and turn it upside down. A few pieces of parchment fluttered out and a dust bunny fell down and scampered along the room, out of sight.

Dumbledore growled in frustration, where could those delicious sweets be? He rummaged through his other drawers, hoping that he may have absentmindedly placed the tin in one of them but he didn't find it.

Dumbledore was getting desperate, he needed those lemon drops and Honeydukes was closed today. What was he going to do? Who was cruel enough to take them from him?

Sirius was eating at a stupendous rate when a bellow came from the Headmaster's tower

"SIRIUS BLACK! MY OFFICE, NOW!"

Sirius grinned impishly and continued to eat. He couldn't believe it took that long to realise who had taken his lemon drops. Sirius removed the tin from his pocket and placed it in front of him.

There was no way he was going to answer those summons, things were just beginning to get fun around here!

Now, he just needed to get to Hagrid's house... He was still storing the Nifflers for their Care of Magical Creature's class with Professor Kettleburn.


	17. Go my minions

Location: Entrance Hall

Sirius was standing calmly in front of the doors to the Entrance Hall, waiting. He wondered how long it would take the Headmaster to find him. Hopefully it would happen soon, he was swiftly becoming more bored with the lack of action.

Just as he was contemplating on whether or not he should charm the handles so that they would shout insults Dumbledore came storming down the stairs. Sirius caught the headmaster's eyes and waved.

His face turning rapidly purple, Dumbledore stopped and bellowed, "GIVE ME BACK MY LEMON DROPS MR BLACK!"

"How about... no?" retorted Sirius cheekily.

That was the straw that broke the hippogriff's back. Dumbledore saw red and charged towards Sirius, a look of absolute fury on his face.

All of Dumbledore's yelling had attracted all the students which were eating lunch in the Great Hall. They were all really curious because Dumbledore doesn't yell, look at you with great disappointment and make you feel incredibly guilty, yes, but he never yells.

Sirius' eyes widened in fear as the Headmaster approached him. Yes, he wanted to make Dumbledore mad but it was one thing to make plans and another to see the results of said plans up close and personal.

Suddenly Lily angrily shoved her way through the crowd also fuming.

"Black! What in Merlin's name are you bloody well doing?" She yelled, stomping closer to Sirius

It was now or never to put the rest of his plan in motion. In one swift move Sirius opened the doors and stood back. A fluffy, black stampede rapidly entered Hogwarts.

Lily's eyes enlarged comically as she gasped, "Nifflers!"

Almost as one the Nifflers saw the shiny stars on the headmaster's cloak and flooded towards him. Unfortunately some of them got distracted by the jewellery worn by a few students.

Hogwarts was soon filled with screams as the Nifflers chased them through the corridors. Sirius took a detour down a secret passageway to escape the madness...and detention.

The last thing he saw was Lily going down under a wave of black, furry bodies and Dumbledore wearing about five of them as a woolly hat.


	18. All tied up

Location: Kitchens

Sirius padded slowly down the secret passageway, praying to whatever deity was up there to keep him safe. As soon as he thought he was a decent distance away from all the chaos he ran as fast as he could down the narrow passage, bumping his head on brackets for candles.

Sirius ran for a while, the passage was quite long. He couldn't quite remember where this one led to. Oh well, he shrugged and carried on. As long as it took him far away from the Entrance Hall, did it matter?

Soon he saw a door that marked the end of this roughly carved tunnel. Wrenching it open Sirius collapsed on the ground just outside it. He blinked, his eyes not used to the bright light after the dim light of the tunnel.

He soon got his bearings and stood up. Looking around he noticed a few familiar paintings. This was the secret passageway that led to the kitchens!

Sirius rubbed his hands together in glee. This was perfect! Sirius wasn't stupid, he knew that they would come looking for him once they got rid of the Nifflers. So, he would just have to keep them busy. He slipped into the kitchens with a smirk on his face; he knew just what to do.

Twenty minutes later Sirius sighed in content. He had finally done it. Admiring his handiwork, he stood up.

For once in the history of Hogwarts the Kitchens where not full of bustling elves. In fact there was no noise either.

Sirius had tied up each and every house elf that he could get his hands on. They were all in a pile in the centre of the room with handkerchiefs for gags. Not one of them was struggling because he told them that the Headmaster wanted him to do this.

The elves had put up a few protests saying that food needs to be cooked and rooms need cleaned but Sirius said that the spell that he had tied them up with would wear off in half an hour or so.

"So long, elves!" he called before racing toward the dungeons.

With any luck the professors would find them and spend ages tidying up. That would hopefully give him enough time to complete an experiment he had always wanted to try out.


	19. It wasn't me!

Location: Hogwarts Dungeons

"Mwah ha ha ha!" cackled Sirius in the dark room. He was wearing a white coat and brightly coloured lights were flashing off the stone walls.

"Just one more thing..." mumbled Sirius, reaching across his table for a bright pink liquid. He fumbled with the cork and suddenly the cork flew across the room with a 'pop'. All of the pink liquid leaked into his cauldron.

"Uh, oh," was all Sirius said before he ran for the door. The cauldron was now starting to shake and froth over.

Luckily, Sirius made it to the exit of the dungeons before the explosion occurred.

'BOOM!' The explosion shook the entire castle. The windows on the lower levels shattered and all the owls in the Owlery flew off in flurry of feathers. Some muggleborns cowered under tables, saying that Doomsday had come.

The shaking soon calmed down but an odd smell was now emanating from the dungeons. It was a mixture of vomit, lavender and wet dog. Several Slytherins with more sensitive stomachs threw up. Others had to go to the Hospital Wing for potions to reduce the nausea they felt.

Teachers were running around everywhere doing damage control and attempting to find the source of all this mess. The blue and yellow steam that was pouring out of the dungeons was so thick that no one could see through it and no one wanted to try and make their way through the steam after what happened to the few people who had been too slow to escape. The unfortunate students which had been touched by the steam had either grown beaks, turned purple, had cat's feet or had a blue afro.

Minerva was immediately suspicious of the Marauders but she couldn't accuse them without proof and she couldn't get proof until that weird steam had cleared.

The entire school wanted to get their hands on the unknown culprit to make him/her pay. Running away from dangerous steam was not high on their to-do lists

There was only one question on everyone's minds, "Who the hell had done this?"


	20. Safe and Shiny

Location: Ground Floor

Sirius had collided with a group of first years while running away from the scene of his crime. The group of first years were a mixture of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws who looked up at him warily as if he was about to eat them or something.

"What's the hurry?" he asked jovially.

One of the braver boys wearing a Ravenclaw tie said, "Running away from that strange steam."

"But it's filling the castle!" added another girl frantically. "I don't want to turn into a turtle-human thing like Pat did!"

Sirius eyed the firsties, time to have a little more fun.

"Well, you're lucky. I know just how help you!" he told them, grinning broadly. The kids looked at him apprehensively but nodded. They mustn't have heard stories about him yet.

"How?" a girl asked eagerly.

Sirius looked around him, checking for teachers; he did not need another lecture on corrupting first years, when his eyes fell on a suit of armour.

"If you hide in the armour," he replied confidently, some of the small group looked doubtful. "They are in the school to be worn if danger lurks in the castle. Isn't that mist a danger?"

A Ravenclaw girl nodded, "Of course it is! But how are we supposed to get in the aromour? Do they open?"

"Well, here's how you do it..."

Half an hour later Sirius walked away calmly from the corridor, whistling tunelessly. There was no one else about as they had all fled the castle. As he left the castle as well he could hear the faint clanging noise of the first years trying to get comfortable in the suits of armour.

As soon as he had brought that first group of firsties to 'safety' more had approached him. Now, how could he not say no to those expectant, innocent faces? He had done what they wanted and now there was barely a suit of armour without a first year enclosed in its space.

As Sirius wandered across the grounds he saw Prongs and Moony with McGonagall and a group of girls, including Lily Evan. His legs decided that he should move quickly in the opposite direction.


	21. 21 The end is nigh

"He's just over... See! I told you he was here Professor!" proclaimed James' voice

"Yes, Potter, I'm still unsure whether I want to know how you knew exactly where Mr. Black was or not." Replied McGonagall.

"It's sort of a trade secret, ma'am"

"Does it matter? All that I care about is getting my hands on Black!" hissed Lily

Some braches were pulled aside to reveal one Sirius Black curled up between three Flutterby bushes.

He gulped rather loudly and waved nervously, "Hi, folks."

The silence was deafening. Sirius couldn't keep his hands from trembling. A weaker and more intelligent man would have most likely ran at the sight of an angry McGonagall, Lily Evan and indifferent best mate. Unfortunately, Sirius was neither and he stayed put.

"Mr. Black," started McGonagall. "Just, what have you got to say for yourself?"

Sirius shakily got to his feet and rubbed the back of his head only to see a crowd of angry students behind the five he first saw.

"Er..."


End file.
